twenty-seven
navigating creativity through immense changes
This year i turned 27 at the beginning of september. My birthday was different that i would have envisioned a few months ago, but nonetheless it was enjoyable. I visited my family, where my mother picked a bouquet of flowers from her expansive garden for me. As i prepared to leave, i placed the bouquet gently on my passenger seat, now dressed in a wet paper towel, secured in a crunched gallon size ziploc bag with a rubber band holding everything together and think to myself – this might be one of the nicest things my mom has done for me.
In praise of MUSIC!
This past month i’ve been able to commit a good chunk of time to working on some new paintings which has been very fulfilling, along with my favorite past-time while in the studio : singing! Something about singing is so simple yet brings me so much joy – which i WILL be taking as much joy as i can in times like these, thank you very much. i often think about singing in church choir when i was little, how the only enjoyable part of church in general was the communal singing. One positive about church (rare of me to say anything positive about it so listen up!) was the (pseudo) lack of judgement around everyone singing worship songs. In this context, it didn’t matter if you were a good singer, it just mattered that you were singing. Once mass was over and everyone got in their cars, then it was a good time to bring up how the man three pews behind you was singing terribly, and did you SEE what his wife was wearing? Hence the pseudo lack of judgement.
Even to this day, the sensation of being in/around a group of people singing and the vibrations in the air bring me what i can only describe as, well, indescribable joy. Sometimes the only way i can describe the feeling is like a big warm scribble in my chest that is continuously changing and scribbling over itself, maybe similar in playfulness to a dog chasing its own tail. I’ve never been a very loud person – i always have had trouble raising my voice– so singing privately is sometimes the loudest i will ever be. Its very grounding to feel the vibration of your own voice working its way through your body.
a few albums i’ve been very into the last few months: virgin by lorde, erotica veronica by miya folick, tell me how you really feel by courtney barnett and blue rev by alvvays
These aren’t necessarily my favorite to sing but they’ve been resonating with this transitional phase of my life that i am in right now, after exiting a long term relationship.
navigating creation
This year i have not made as much art as years past. But the things i have made, and learned, i am very proud of so i am not feeling too down on myself. I was invited to be a part of two shows at different galleries this fall and having a show to look forward to having art in usually motivates me to create new pieces. I like to show most of my art, new or old, but it feels extra special to be able to show something brand new off for the first time. Its kinda like a treat for the folks who come to opening. Hey, thanks for being a real one, so you get to see this piece before instagram!!
One of the shows is all portraits/figures but everyone has a pretty funky and colorful style, which i am honored to be part of. The other show also has a very fun theme, and i am equally as honored to be a part of, the theme being sweet tooth! A few months ago i started working on this little painting of a cake based on one of Venla’s cakes - which are as delicious as they are beautiful. Never do i post a piece of art on instagram and think it will lead to someone asking me to make art for an upcoming show, but that is what happened in this case! Painting the figure will always be my favorite, but it has been nice to switch it up and do some things that are out of my comfort zone, like the cakes and the landscape commission i have been working on for a little now.
You’ll also be shocked to discover i’m doing a painting of a figure that isn’t me! I’m starting a series (this might just be a continuous series throughout my entire life as a painter who knows) where i am painting other queer folks and asking them in the process what represents their individual queerness. Colors, patterns, motifs, iconography, cartoon characters, pop culture, etc are all things i am interested in and feel like being queer in relation to those things can give you a different relationship with the world/media you interact with. Sure, some of these things are just plain gay – resonating with a certain pride flag, a canonically gay character, etc. but some of the other answers to what represents queerness has been interesting and so insightful and very different from person to person. In the current time where we are bombarded daily with anti-queer and anti-trans rhetoric from the white house to alt-right cesspools to daily experiences of hatefulness and/or ignorance – i really want to be able to present a body of work that is of queer people, for queer people, celebrating queerness and bringing Q U E E R J O Y.
I’ve started with this piece of my friend and studiomate, J Nelson – one day, J was driving us to drop off one of my pieces that, of course, is too large to fit in my tiny car and i asked them if they would be open to me painting them. I told them my idea and in the 40 minute car ride they gave me enough details and examples of their individual queerness and relationship with being nonbinary that i felt i had more than enough to work with.
what do you value?
A few months ago, i felt like i had a simple plan of what my future would look like, and although it wasn’t ideal and i had no idea how i would gather enough money or courage to move to a new state, live with someone besides my roommate (who i’ve lived with for 5 years now) and start grad school – i felt like i at least had a very bare bones layout for the next few years. Then at a certain point, looking at my future became something i was dreading more and more, which required me to really sit with myself and intentionally think about if i was happy, if this was really what i wanted to do, and a large part of it being: will i ever be able to have my ideal life, and what does that look like?
That has been on my mind as we neared the end of september. Most of these thoughts stemmed from my sense of community in detroit, the pressure i have put on myself to go to grad school before i’m “too old”, the fear of being alone, the fear of change. Seeing your peers advancing in their careers brings admiration for them, along with my own battles of imposter syndrome. I have been debating changing some of these plans that i thought were set in stone, like which art school i wanted to go to, and started recently to explore other options. A large part of my questioning my entire life plans (lol) has also been to do with wanting to live more truthfully to my values and morals. I recently read anna rose’s piece called Values and Actions which describes her journey in living according to her values, guided by words from bell hooks. This post popped up at a time where i was deep in thought about how i wanted to live my life. With the rise of this fascist administration, families being ripped apart by ice, the heartbreaking losses in palestine, the blatant pointed attacks on trans and queer rights, and so much more – now more than ever it is important to live in accordance with your values. I want my life to represent my values. I want to be an artist with unwavering values. I refuse to invest any of myself to racist, classist, zionist, art institutions. Even if this means less opportunities, even if it means i’m “too old” for grad school whenever/if i decide to go, i can at least be proud of my decisions.
a busy end of the year OTW!
a lot can happen in between taking a month off of writing your substack! i have been so busy! i have {FOUR} shows that i am a part of that will be opening soon, i’m moving studios, hosted another workshop at secret garden, getting ready for another market AND i just did a collaborative event with my friends over at Divas with Ideas!
upcoming openings/where to find me and my art:
Grand Gesture at the Detroit Public Library (main branch) - Oct 2025 thru Jan 2026. There isn’t a set opening date yet but starting Oct 17 I’ll have a piece up for view!
Shadow Show at Pizzo Studio in Ferndale - opens Oct 24th from 6-9pm, on view until November 2nd
People are Strange at Galerie Camille - opens Nov 1st from 5-9pm, on view until November 15th.*
Sweet Tooth at Hatch Art - opens Nov 8th from 6-9pm, on view until December 7th.*
* features new works!
Hope you’re all doing well,
until next time
emilia
i’m always so interested to hear about people’s life journey and how they have been led in different directions than what they planned. it’s also crazy how impostor syndrome can get us down!! i am looking to get more involved in the detroit art scene and you are definitely someone i have looked to for inspiration in that regard, which i feel just shows how hard we often are on ourselves when others don’t look at it the same way. also thank you for the mention, it’s so special that my piece impacted you in that way. (:
Today is a great day to read about Emilia’s life update! So proud and excited for you!!!